then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
