I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
