I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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