well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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