Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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