Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
