The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think i have herpe
just one?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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