5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found the puke drawer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
