The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
