oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
