She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
