apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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