Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
