I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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