Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
