just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
