Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
