Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
