Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
