i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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