I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
