he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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