Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
