I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
