I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
