hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
