You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
