ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
