youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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