i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
