I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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