i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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