My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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