It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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