:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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