If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
