What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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