why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
