Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
