i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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