Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
