I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
