I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
