Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
