I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
