k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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