The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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