you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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