she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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