I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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